


but with you it's different

by rainfall (seolle)



Series: you're the one i needed this whole time [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Huang Ren Jun-centric, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, inspired by the renhyuck hug in weekly idol during ridin era, renhyuck are soft for each other even if they say otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seolle/pseuds/rainfall
Summary: He doesn’t really know how  and why  exactly did he have to fall in love with his bandmate, his friend, but Renjun supposes that love could be in the form of that one person you least expect it would be.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Series: you're the one i needed this whole time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963417
Comments: 7
Kudos: 164





	but with you it's different

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is long overdue. wrote it back in may then left it to collect dust in my google docs but alas, a sudden urge to write soft renhyuck overpowered me today and i finally finished it.
> 
> title taken from eaJ ft. seori - it just is (highly recommend listening to it as well as itzy's be in love while reading for maximum fuzzy feelings.
> 
> edited: 01/29/21 - hey guys. so I noticed some typos while re-reading this the other day despite editing it months ago /facepalm/ and this is the only day I had time to edit it once again. sorry too for not replying to your comments but rest assured, I appreciate them soooooo much. your kudos and comments are one of the reasons why I still want to continue writing. life has just been extremely busy for me lately that writing fics has taken a backseat (but that's only for now dw). thank you!

When Renjun returns to the dorms from the radio station, it's almost five minutes to twelve midnight. Muscles on his shoulders, on his back, on his legs, everywhere is aching that the only thing on his mind as he takes off his shoes by the doorway is to put menthol plasters on every inch of his body. 

The lights in the dorms are dimmed, the faint sound of Jaemin clicking away on his computer probably from playing PUBG or Fortnite or whatever the fuck any game with guns there is in modernity. Jeno is probably sleeping. He assumes Jisung might've already been asleep or judging from the way Jaemin seems like he wouldn't stop playing any time soon, is trying to sleep. The youngest has been practicing performances for days and it makes Renjun concerned when he sees Jisung in sweatpants looking like he's going to crash on the hardwood floors of the dorm every time he comes back. To be honest, Renjun does too but he just shrugs the thought off into the back of his mind until it's morning and the routine of practice-filmings-radio repeats itself once again. 

Renjun hits the showers, then does his skincare routine haphazardly. Once dressed, he walks out to the kitchen to fetch a midnight snack for himself, hands rummaging through the refrigerator shelves trying to find something that can quell the hunger in his stomach. I should've asked the manager if we could stop at the store.  Renjun thinks as the grumble of his stomach pierces through his ears. He was midway into giving up and just sleep the hunger off not until he chances upon a small plastic bag filled with different kinds of bread. The sticky note on the plastic bag reads:

**_ Eat this, losers. _ **

**_-Full Sun. -_ **

Ah, Haechan, Lee Donghyuck- the human embodiment of the sun who sets Renjun's heart aflame. Sets Renjun's skin burning when he comes too close and when he touches. It burns but Renjun can't bring himself to move away, that instead of taking one step backward, he takes two steps forward. Endures all of the bickerings and teasing with Donghyuck, the way Donghyuck lightly touches his arm absentmindedly as they're sat beside each other when Chenle cracks a joke and ends up laughing his ass off in the music show's waiting room, the way Renjun feels as if Donghyuck's eyes seem to gravitate towards him from the other side of the practice room when the six of them are burned out to the ground rehearsing their choreography over and over again. Renjun tries his best to not get his hopes up by these minute moments. Tries to keep his feelings in check, tucked away at the farthest compartment of his mind. He really tries to but it's so difficult when Donghyuck gives these signs and takes them back before Renjun can even grasp what they mean. 

It's then that Renjun realizes Donghyuck is the embodiment of the sun- he's warm from a distance but when you get too close, burns.

-

Renjun is sitting in the far right corner of the practice room, thumb lazily scrolling through his phone while a mumble of Jaemin, Jisung, and Chenle chatting in the background enters his ears. Jeno is on the other side of the room, napping with his AirPods in. They're about to shoot the dance practice video for Ridin', just waiting for the videographer to finish setting the camera up. Donghyuck is still nowhere to be found, probably still in 127's rehearsal. Renjun decides to text him when he'll be coming as the videographer finishes adjusting the height of the tripod.

_Shit. Give me five minutes. We're just doing a little bit of polishing for the Punch choreo. I'll be there right away._ Donghyuck replies.

_It's fine. Set up is not yet done anyway. Take your time._ Renjun presses send as he chews on his lower lip. 

Sometimes, he can't help but think Donghyuck is made of steel. He's been preparing for three comebacks for months without rest, 127 then Dream then 127 again. He juggles through endless rehearsals every single day that it's admirable how he doesn't mix up the lyrics and choreographies of 127 and Dream's songs. Sometimes- most of the time, when Renjun catches a glimpse of Donghyuck's impossibly dark circles when he's getting his makeup done for a shoot, he just wants to push Donghyuck down on a bed and force him to sleep in for two days straight. Wants to feed Donghyuck the dumplings that he makes for Jeno and Jaemin as their midnight snack but how can he do that when they don't even live in the same dorm? By the time Renjun goes back to the dorm from his radio show, it's either Donghyuck is still practicing with the 127 hyungs or probably already dead asleep. He envies the 127 members for it at times- that they get to live with Donghyuck under the same roof, travel the world with him for months during their tour, for having the chance to take care of him all the time. 

Renjun wants to take care of him too, so badly, but how can he when other people are already in line to care for him? When more often than not, he feels as if he is only borrowing mere seconds of time from Donghyuck. He relishes their interactions despite them being only bickering and talking shit to each other most of the time because that's all he'll ever get. Donghyuck just doesn't need Renjun the way Renjun needs Donghyuck and no matter how much of a hard pill it is to swallow, is the reality that must be accepted. 

-

Renjun stumbles his way through the doorway of the dorm, hands fumbling to remove his shoes and changing onto a pair of blue house slippers. He sets his bag down on the living room couch then makes a beeline to the kitchen where a box of what he presumes to be seafood looking at the _Park and Co. Seafood Restaurant_ label printed onto the sides. Though he isn't particularly fond of shrimps and crabs, he grabs a plate from the cupboard anyway and begins eating. He puts the waste onto the garbage bin and washes the used plate after he finishes. 

Renjun retrieves his bag from the couch and heads towards his room, more than ready to just freshen up and finally go to bed. He could feel every inch of his body searing in pain, muscles tight and strained. The past month has been hectic- preparing for the album, recording songs, practicing choreographies, filming the music video as well as promotional contents, going to music shows, and then conducting his radio show at night. He enjoys what he's doing but he can't shrug off the feeling that he's not doing enough and that thought weighs on his shoulders more than he'd like to.

Upon opening the door to his room, what he doesn't expect to greet him is the sight of Donghyuck sleeping soundly on his bed. Renjun stays still at the doorframe, taking the image in. What's he doing here?  He steps inside as quietly as he could, careful to not disturb the other boy but Donghyuck still stirs in his sleep anyway, eyes fluttering open.

"Renjun?" Donghyuck mumbles while rubbing his eyes of sleep. 

"Hyuck, what are you doing here?" 

"Oh, I dropped by because I bought the boys seafood for dinner," Donghyuck explains.

"Aren't you supposed to be back to the 127 dorms by now though?" Renjun quips, taking a seat on his desk chair across from the bed.

"I don't have any more energy to walk back there so I decided I'll just sleep over. Jeno didn't want me in his room because we won't fit on his bed, same with Chenle. Jaemin and Jisung don't have a spare mattress in their room and God knows how loud Jaemin is when he plays his games that I know I won't be able to sleep anyway so I went to your room. I promise, I only was supposed to lie down for a little while because you weren't here yet but I didn't expect I'd actually fall asleep," Donghyuck groggily explains. Renjun catches sight of his dark circles again and he is reminded just how much Donghyuck has been working endlessly. 

"It's okay. I know you're tired," Renjun responds, looking wistfully at Donghyuck who is now sitting up on his bed, blanket askew and legs dangling over the bedframe. 

"I'll just sleep in the living room. The couch is comfortable enough though maybe I can borrow a pillow and a blanket?" 

"No. Just sleep here. My bed is bigger than Jeno's so we'll fit," Renjun immediately answers. He feels his ears ringing, face flushing to a scarlet red, cold sweat forming on his hairline, threatening to drip down any second. What has gotten him so flustered over his own suggestion anyway? This isn't the first time they've slept together on the same bed. They've done it more than once already so why is Renjun's heart beating so hard against his own ribcage that it feels like it'll jump out anytime? 

Right, because he's painfully in love with Lee Donghyuck.

"Are you sure?" Donghyuck carefully asks once more.

"Yeah. You could go wash up first. You know where the clothes you left here are stored right?" 

"Of course. Thanks, Injunnie. You're the best," Donghyuck says to Renjun, ruffling his hair before he leaves the room to go shower in the bathroom.

Renjun shouldn't be swooning over that little action and remark but he is so weak for the boy whose smile lights up the universe, his universe, and for a brief second, instead of holding it down, he lets himself bask in the feeling.

-

The lights are off and Renjun and Donghyuck are laying side by side on Renjun's bed,  in Renjun's room.  Donghyuck is already sleeping soundly beside him, chest rising up and then down. 

They're sharing a blanket and Donghyuck is so close to him that he smells the whiff of musk and cotton on Donghyuck's body. He is so painfully close that Renjun can count his eyelashes by now, admire how fucking pretty Donghyuck is with his glittering eyes, button nose, sunkissed skin and fucking hell, those perfectly shaped lips he can only imagine pressed against his own. It's a no-brainer that Donghyuck is beautiful but here, in Renjun's room, on Renjun's bed, eyes already closed, where his face is illuminated by the moonlight streaming through Renjun's curtains, he is ethereal.  Renjun is a mere mortal.

Back when they used to sleep together when they were trainees, it was never a big deal to Renjun. They were both boys, same-aged friends like any other who just so happened to sleep on the same bed. They were both only fifteen and Renjun didn't think too much about it. Fast forward to the time where they turned nineteen: Lee Donghyuck, the bratty fifteen-year-old trainee who stole Renjun's fried pork cutlet in the SM cafeteria when they first met, had grown up to be the most magnificent man in Renjun's eyes. Renjun finds himself enjoying the playful fights they have when four years ago, he hated it. Caught himself thinking about Donghyuck and his smile and laughter at any given moment of the day (and how much he wants to be the reason behind them) and yearning for him for months on end when 127 was on tour. Seeking Donghyuck's attention whenever the other was finally free to be with Dream. It was those little moments in a bottomless pit of Renjun's emotions that he's realized he is in love and maybe, he's already in too deep. He doesn’t really know how and why exactly did he have to fall in love with his bandmate, his friend but Renjun supposes that love could be in the form of that one person you least expect it would be.

The fatigue finally catches up to Renjun and with Donghyuck's breathing playing a steady lullaby through his ears, he falls asleep with the effervescent glow of the moonlight shining on the two of them.

-

They are filming Weekly Idol, specifically the Hug Me segment. Renjun is seated beside Jeno and to his right, is Jaemin. In the middle is Jisung and Donghyuck who are playing some kind of game with vague hand gestures (that Donghyuck probably made up) as they wait for the staff members to finish arranging and setting up the props. On the far end is Chenle whose makeup is being retouched by their makeup artist. They began filming shortly after once the necessary things were in place.

Renjun was the first one to be called to pick a question. The six of them decided to choose the color of the paper that matches the color of their shirts. Renjun picks up the yellow paper from the canister, opens it up, and shows it to the camera in front of him. He could hear the other members and the emcees already talking about what might've been the question he picked and who's the member he would hug.

_** Can you love me a little more? TAT ** _

Renjun stalls for a second after he reads the question. There's only one person that came into his mind. Of course, it would be Donghyuck because no matter how much banter and chatter they share, he knows that he isn't high up on Donghyuck's list of his 'important people.' Sure, he is his friend, he'd give himself at least that but he's nowhere near Mark's level where legitimately everyone knows just how affectionate and caring Donghyuck is towards him. Jaemin, Jeno, and Jisung practically grew up with him so it's a given that he cares more about them. Chenle? Everyone's whipped for him and Donghyuck certainly is too. Renjun is just stuck in the middle of the spectrum where he knows he is a friend but to what extent does Donghyuck actually, love him? And not to forget that Renjun does love him as more than a friend so that's a definite overkill.

Renjun walks back and forth behind the members' seats, trying to think if he'd actually have the guts to hug Donghyuck or chicken out and choose another member instead. He doesn't want to let his true feelings out on TV and most importantly, make it obvious towards Donghyuck that he's hopelessly in need of his affection. Suddenly, he thinks of an idea.

"Can I pick two?" he asks the emcees.

"So there are two people you're thinking of then?" the emcees ask him back. 

Not really.  Renjun thinks hugging Jisung too would work because he's normally a brat towards him so he guesses that maybe Jisung could love him a bit more and stop being a little piece of shit. 

In the end, he hugs Jisung first then Donghyuck. He feels the both of them stiffen up and they bombard him with questions right away, the other members also joining in with their hunches about what the question is about. The filming proceeds as normal after that and finally, it's Donghyuck's turn.

Donghyuck picks up a green piece of paper, as it matches his shirt like the rest of them did, and shows it to the camera. The emcees mutter an "Ooooh," upon seeing the question and it piques the members' interests immediately, especially Renjun's. 

Donghyuck paces behind their backs, trying to tease them. Renjun feels Donghyuck's hands hovering over him then in a snap it's gone. He sees the other heading over to Jisung, lifting his hands up towards his back. Just as Renjun thinks that Donghyuck would never pick him, he feels a hug from behind.

"Wait, why me?" Renjun asks him in disbelief.

"Yeah, Haechan. What's your reason for choosing Renjun?" the emcees follow suit in asking him.

"Honestly, the answer could be anyone but I chose Renjun because he thinks the opposite a lot," Donghyuck explains but it does nothing to calm Renjun's heart. 

After a few more games and conversations with the emcees, the filming wraps up and Renjun tries to forget what happened.

-

It's been a week since they filmed Weekly Idol and it has already aired earlier in the afternoon. Renjun is in the car, doing a live broadcast for fans on the way back to the dorm after finishing Akdong Seoul. He sees a fan's comment asking him if he's already seen the question Donghyuck picked and was the answer for. Renjun hasn't seen it yet because he's been out of it for the most part of the day and was busy with his radio show tonight as usual. Okay.  Maybe, he simply just don't want to ever see it in fear that it actually is a negative question (Who among the members smell? Who among the members are clumsy? Who among the members are you awkward with and don't give a fuck about?) and he's the unlucky one who Donghyuck had in mind as the answer to.

He replies to the fan saying he hasn't yet and sees one particular comment that sent his heart into overdrive.

_ The question Haechan picked was "No matter what, I think this member works the hardest." _

Him? Renjun? Huang Renjun? Donghyuck thinks he works the hardest? How is that even possible? When Donghyuck divides his time by traveling the world as a member of NCT 127 and flying back to Korea as a member of NCT Dream. Donghyuck who has recorded more than 20 songs, learned and practiced 5 whole choreographies, filmed a shit ton of track videos and promotional contents, promoted for a month with 127 and promoting right after with Dream and then promoting with 127 again for their repackage a week later after Dream's comeback- all of this for mere 5 months. Donghyuck has been working nonstop for 5 fucking months. That's barely half of what he did when the year started.

Renjun suddenly remembers Donghyuck's phone call to him earlier in the afternoon. 

"Lee Haechan, really. He called me earlier but I didn't answer because I was preparing for the radio broadcast. Let me call him."

Renjun gets his phone out of his pocket and taps on Donghyuck's contact. It's true that Donghyuck really did call him earlier but he wasn't able to answer him because he left his phone inside his bag while reading through the script of his radio show. It rings for several minutes but no one answered. He feels disappointed, like all the giddiness he felt for the last five minutes was candy and it was taken away by his mom who said he's already had too many sweets. The one time Donghyuck thought of him on TV but he doesn't even get the chance to talk to him about it. Right. He's probably just overthinking shit and expecting way too much. 

Like he always does.

-

Renjun sits down on his bed after showering, towel in hand as he dries off his hair. His phone is on top of his nightstand when it rings and as he looks at the caller ID, his heartbeat quickens its pace immediately.

"Hello?" Renjun cautiously answers.

“ _Why didn’t you pick up my call earlier?_ ” Donghyuck sassily and playfully snarls on the other line. Renjun can’t help but smile.

“Hey, I was getting ready for Akdong Seoul so I didn’t know, okay?” Renjun quips as he tries to bite back a toothy grin. 

“ _You could’ve called me after though_ ,” Donghyuck says and Renjun hears sheets shuffling from the other line.

“I did call you during my VLive on the way back but you didn't answer. Miss me?” Renjun teases and this time, he doesn’t fight the smile that’s threatening to stretch over his lips, pearly whites on full display. 

He’s tired- tired from the radio show, dance practices, promotions, recordings, and most importantly, fighting the feelings he knows he’s harbored for the sun personified a long time ago. This time, Renjun allows himself to fall and fall into a deep trench that is Lee Donghyuck and he doesn’t mind if he would drown. He doesn’t care if he never manages to swim back to the shore because he hasn’t felt this way about anyone else in his entire life until messy-haired, fifteen-year-old Donghyuck came stealing his lunch at the trainee cafeteria. Four years later, the feelings burn brighter than ever and it dawns on Renjun that he doesn’t mind because this, talking to Donghyuck and hearing his voice after a long day, even if just over the phone, is rest. 

“ _Yeah, I do miss you. Sorry for not picking up your call, I was showering. Are you at the dorms already? _” Donghyuck asks him with a soft lilt to his voice. 

Renjun’s face flushes at Donghyuck’s admittance that he does, in fact, miss him. He tries to play it cool.

“I’m already in bed actually,” Renjun answers him as he makes himself comfortable in his bed, fluffing the pillows and lying down on them.

“ _Can I come over?_ ” Renjun stills as he hears Donghyuck’s question over the line.

“Why?” 

“ _Do you remember that night when we slept together on your bed? _”

“Yeah,” Renjun replies in a beat.

“ _Best sleep I’ve ever had._ ”

And really, that was enough for Renjun to say yes almost immediately. Donghyuck comes over in his pajamas ten minutes later.

-

As Donghyuck buries his face deeper into Renjun’s neck, legs swung over the other and a tight embrace around his waist, Renjun fully realizes that _this_ , this is different.

  
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